So you want to grow your family?
Starting a family is a big deal and you already know that it is a big responsibility. But before taking the next step, here are somethings to consider talking to your partner about before getting pregnant. Presuming you have already had the “are we ready to have a baby?” starter conversation. The following is not in an order of importance.
- Are there any health concerns that may be passed down to the baby or that may increase the risks for mom/surrogate?
If you are regularly seeing a General Practitioner or a Gynecologist, this is something you can have them run some tests on beforehand. Think about serious illnesses that are genetic on both sides of the family and ask questions about what birth was like for family member.
- What are your expectations for your pregnancy?
Expectation for pregnancy do not have to be set in stone but they should be discussed because for some this is a fantasy that has been running circles in their minds since they were playing house as kids. Items such as appointment attendance and craving runs are just some of the lite topics. Heavier topics include diet, household responsibilities and activities of the child bearer.
- Who, What, When, Where and How are you going to spread the news?
There are reasons for waiting until after the 1st ultrasound appointment. One reason that comes to mind is to have a photo to share that confirms this is not a happy fever dream. Talking to your partner about who should be included in the first announcement (usually immediate family and close friends) helps to keep the moment special for both of you. Where and How can be completely aesthetic if it is preferred.
- Money, money, money
No one has ever said raising children is inexpensive, at least not in America. It is important to know where that money is coming from and insure there are back up plans. Everything from the physical items needed during the pregnancy, to medical bills and after birth. Plan as far ahead as you can to minimize stressors.
- Childcare- Daycare, family or stay at home parent?
Often times money plays a huge factor in this but currently there has been a rise in concerns from news outlets about daycare incidents. Same could be a concern if you do not live near enough or feel close enough to family for them to be the primary caregiver while both parents return to work. Finally, what would the life of a stay at home parent look like? Subscribe to this blog to find out.
- Birth plan and worse case scenario
Birth plans do not have to be be perfect and should continue being a topic throughout, as the couple learns more during pregnancy. Have a ideal plan and a compromise plan, lastly, what is a hard pass. This could include location, pain management, labor specialist and visitors just to name a few.
Important, discuss the will should one or both not make it through labor. I am sorry to bring it up, but it would be better to talk about it before thrust into the situation when emotions are high and time is short.
- Child raising, discipline and beliefs
Get as deep into this topic as you can go and take as long as you need. Decide what you are not willing to compromise on and validate your partners concerns, if they have any. It may be a deal breaker for some but bringing a child into the world is not something that should be a choice taken with a casual attitude. Every inconsistency and argument will be reflected in the child.
- Boundaries for others interacting with your child
Yes, you are the ones entitled to these and do not let others belittle you into minimizing. These can be comforts you draw lines through because you want to shrink risk or perhaps you want to be the ones to experience the ‘firsts’ with the little one you brought into the world. Examples could be that only the parents are allowed to introduce new foods such as peanut butter or they need to have an itinerary before having baby for any period of time without the parents.
- Godparents
Possibly an older custom but best not to assume that your child will simply go to the next of kin if something should befall you. Or what if you already know your nearest relatives would not be the fit you want for your child. Talk it out with your partner and the prospective Godparents.
- How fun it will be!
In all seriousness, there is preparedness and there is the ability to live life as a kid again (or for the first time in some parents cases) through your child. The sense of wonder they have when they look at the world with fresh eyes. Remember, everyday day with you could be the best day of their lives because they are new to the world.
Enjoy parenting ♥
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.